The Tragedies and Successes of a Relationship between Father and Son
A note written by Cam Miner
to his father Gary Miner
HAPPY FATHER DAY
Everyone who is born has a father. Some sons are lucky enough to have a relationship with said father. Positive or negative, the relationship between a father and his son is like no other, and at any given time it might be up or down. And then there are times when it will hit a state of flux, and it could really go either way. Therein lays a tragedy that goes a little like this…
Son seeks approval, and support of Father. Father denies approval, revokes support, and displays general negative attitude towards the life choices of his son. Son tries harder, but does not cave to the commands of his father. Stop, don’t go in that direction, that’s the wrong direction, instead you should go in this direction, are all the thoughts and commands of Father. Father continues to deny his son his approval.
Son is disappointed. He is disappointed because he feels he has disappointed his father. Father gives no approval, gives no congratulations, and gives no encouraging feedback to the actions of his son. Instead he gives strong rejection and disapproval of the extreme actions of his son. All of a sudden Father is displeased, and any success the son has accomplished and displayed are not good enough. Such successes are overlooked, and certainly not acknowledged, because Son has disobeyed the commands of his father.
What do they do? They continue to live their lives the way they choose to live it. They both make their choices and take action to move forward in the direction they have chosen. At the end of the day the goal is the same for both Father and Son. Success, happiness, love, and good health, plus all the good things in life, are all that they wish for one another. Yet somehow the paths they choose are different; the decisions they wish to make, and the life they have chosen to live, conflict. They somehow get lost in the detail, and lose sight of the big picture.
When will the path they choose to take meet? That is the question both Father and Son wonder while they do not get along. On one hand, they long for a simpler time when life choices don’t pose so much risk to the life of the other. On the other hand, they just want to make the life choices they are entitled to make, without worrying about anyone else. They don’t really know how to find equilibrium.
Back to the big picture, and fast forward almost 5 years. Father and Son have never been better. They now understand each other 5 years better. Father approves of what his son has done with his life. And Son feels like he has not changed, but is now better guided and more stable. Father probably can now recognize that his own path in life was different than his fathers, and therefore can appreciate that his son’s path will be different than his own.
The success of both Father and Son are easily seen when the light is shining on them. Father has had many successes in his life, and has made many mistakes. Son is the same, and has also learned from his father’s and his own mistakes, and wishes to celebrate both of their successes. It would be nice if they could focus on the successes, and approve of decisions that have brought them to the place they are now.
The future is bright for Father and Son, and there is room to grow further. Both of them can work to improve in their own life, and with those they love. With the tools they have and the bond they share, Father and Son can accomplish great things. There are more successes to be accomplished. Let’s not let the tragedies of the past, and the uncertainty of the future, cloud the respect and the love they have for one another. Forever and always Father and Son they will be.